There are endless ways to tell Dad Happy Father’s Day on June 19, but if the father figure in your life takes particular pride in his humor, then sharing one of these hilarious quotes will have him in stitches (the good kind!). For a funny Father’s Day, write one of these messages in a Father’s Day card or add a one liner to your Instagram post honoring Dad. The authors behind these funny Father’s Day quotes won’t mind if you steal their punchline for Dad’s special day.
If your dad isn’t one for sharing “big feelings,” or is more of a dad jokes kinda guy, he will undoubtedly appreciate these short funny dad quotes about the highs and lows of fatherhood. From celebrity dads like Conan O’Brien and Dax Shepard to former president George W. Bush, these Father’s Day quotes are as hilarious as they are wise. Combine humor with a meaningful Father’s Day gift or a special Father’s Day brunch to make Dad laugh and maybe even shed a tear or two. It’s not always easy telling your dad how much you love him, but these hilarious Father’s Day quotes take the pressure off your shoulders.
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting daddy’s freedom.”
More Funny Father’s Day Quotes
1.) Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.
Dave Barry
2.) One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
George Herbert
3.) The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.
Tim Russert
4.) My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.”
Harmon Killebrew
5.) By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
6.) A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
Steve Martin
7.) My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.
Bob Odenkirk
8.) A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.
Unknown
9.) A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
Unknown
10.) My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.
Jimmy Valvano
Funny Father’s Day Quotes
11.) We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’
Erma Bombeck
12.) I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.
George W. Bush
13.) I have always had the feeling I could do anything, and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.
Ann Richards
14.) We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves.
Henry Ward Beecher
15.) A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.
Paul Lewis
16.) It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.
Barbara Kingsolver
17.) Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Jack Handy
18.) The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family.
Reed Markham
Amusing Quotations
19.) My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
Bob Monkhouse
20.) Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Martin Mull
21.) A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
22.) Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben
23.) Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
Jimmy Piersall
24.) You can’t spell “parentry” without “try.” Of course, you’ll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make with your kids are the same ones your parents made with you. At least you know how those turn out.
Stephen Colbert
Father’s Day Quotes Funny
25.) When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.
Dave Attell
26.) On the perfect Father’s Day. There would be just Dad, wearing his oldest surviving undershorts, free of pressure, maybe just sitting in front of the TV, watching the NBA finals. There would be no conversation other than Dad periodically observing that these players today could carry the ball across Montana and never get called for traveling.
Of course, that’s not all. You’d also make a restaurant reservation, and at the end of the day, you’d dress up and go out and have a nice dinner, during which you’d propose a toast to Dad, who would be back home, in front of the TV, happily asleep in his veteran underwear.
Dave Barry
27.) Every father is the architect of his home life.
Reed Markham
28.) I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
29.) Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.
Rodney Dangerfield
30.) The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow
