Best ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ Quotes 2021

‘What We Do In The Shadows’, was a Vampires’ based mockumentary, released in 2014, New Zealand.

It is a film based on the horror-comedy genre directed and written by the very famous Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement. This particular movie was a hit and was further adapted into a TV series in 2019.

‘What We Do In The Shadows’ has been nominated for the ‘Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards’, ‘TCA Awards’, ‘Saturn Awards’, and ‘Writers Guild of America Awards’. Along with ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, Taika Waititi is quite famous for his other films Thor Ragnarok and Jojo Rabbit. Everything is so different and exciting about ‘What We Do In The Shadows’! It is fiction portrayed in a documentary format, hence the term mockumentary; along with a fantasy storyline of vampires. We get to see vampires’ daily life and struggles along with vampires’ trials at the Vampiric Council. They are also known as ‘vampicides’.

The major characters from the movie are Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav while in the series they go by the names Laszlo Cravensworth, Nandor the Relentless, and Nadja, who turned Laszlo into a vampire and married him later, and Guillermo De la Cruz, as well as others from the human world. There are a few fun quotes from the series and the film that can crack you up immediately. The funniest and best Nadja ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ quote is, “We were so poor we used to used donkey dong for fuel…”

Vampirically Cool ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ Series Quotes

Vampires live in scary castles, but what about those who live in cities with normal chores?

Would you wonder if vampires had a code of conduct? Well, they do along with punishments for overthrowing rules and carrying out heinous crimes for Vampires. These quotes from the series would crack you up with their vampires-like stories.

1. “Vampires love virgins. It’s their favorite food.”

– Guillermo, ‘City Council’, Season 1. 3 April 2019.

2. “Nadja: Yes, they are near. The smell of beef and sulfur is overwhelming.

Colin Robinson: That’s just Brooklyn.”

– ‘Witches’, Season 2. 3 June 2020.

3. “After all that nonsense on Staten Island, I cut loose to Pennsylvania. Because it sounds like ‘Transylvania’, and we all know that sounds cool.”

– Laszlo Cravensworth, ‘On The Run’, Season 2. 13 May 2020.

4. “We take our LARPing very seriously.”

– Guillermo, ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

5. “One of the best ways to drain people’s energy nowadays is via the internet.”

– Colin Robinson, ‘Colin’s Promotion’, Season 2. 6 May 2020.

6. “I have recently re-discovered my love for topiary sculpture. The art of bush manipulation.”

– Laszlo Cravensworth, ‘Werewolf Feud’, Season 1. 10 April 2019.

7. “Being a vampire’s familiar is like being a best friend, who, who’s also a slave.”

– Guillermo, ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

8. “One human alcohol beer, please.”

– Jim the Vampire, ‘On The Run’, Season 2. 13 May 2020.

9. “Nandor: I would like us to get colorful dust that sparkles.

Guillermo: Glitter?

Nandor: Yes, get me some glitter.

Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?

Nandor: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one’s arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like Twilight.”

– ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

Purely Vampiric ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ Movie Quotes

When the sun goes down, the vampires would rule the town.

A few vampires, with their animal transformations and their daily chores over a period of centuries together, make up for some really funny ‘vampires stories’ to listen to. These quotes will give a glimpse of vampires and their life full of human-like problems that you will enjoy reading through.

10. “I really hope that those guys don’t kill those police, because it will mean more police will come. Possibly even Christians, which is totally the last thing we need in this house.”

– Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

11. “I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.”

– Deacon, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

12. “We are trying to attract victims to us. I go for a look which I call ‘Dead but Delicious’. We are the bait, but we’re also the trap.”

– Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

13. “Viago: I went into the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.

Vladislav: Which one? The red one?

Viago: Well it’s red now, yeah.”

– Viago and Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

14. “People freak out a bit about the age difference. They think, ‘What is this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy four times her age?’ I don’t care, they could call me cradle snatcher. Who cares?”

– Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

15. “Viago: If you’re going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch put down some newspapers on the floor! And some towels. It’s not hard to do.

Vladislav: We’re vampires, we don’t put down towels.”

– Viago and Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

16. “Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, ‘Oooh, those are some nice pants!’.”

– Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

What We Do In The Shadows

10“Tonight Is A Good Night For The Other Guy, Not Me, To Die”

Guillermo and Nandor from What We Do in the Shadows

Speaking of the feud, a vampire has to be nominated to fight another werewolf in order to maintain The Truce, which has been around for decades and decades. Nandor, who’s also referred to as The Relentless, is chosen among the group.

As the fight nearly approaches, Nandor tries to set the mood for the fight with some eerie phrases. Unfortunately, “Tonight is a good night to die” doesn’t sit right with Guillermo, not wanting his master to die. In order to make things much clearer, Nandor gives this awkward quote instead.

9“I Talked To Rob, He Didn’t Wanna Come. He Wants To Leave It Behind”

The Trial still remains as the show’s most legendary moment thanks to the slew of cameos by actors who’ve previously played vampires. Sadly, Rob wasn’t among the council, as he just wanted to “leave it behind.”

This was a clever nod to the fact that Robert Pattinson has been extremely vocal about his distaste for the Twilight films. However, now that Pattinson is playing Batman, he has no choice but to appear. You can’t be a sparkling vampire and then a man who dresses up as a bat and not make a cameo on the show. It practically writes itself.

8“This Is Not A Joke!”

Kayvan Novak in What We Do In The Shadows

This quote is funny due to Nandor’s panicky delivery. After going through his email, which he has not checked in years, he finds a chain-email claiming he has now been cursed. Since Nandor clearly isn’t tech-savvy, he takes this very seriously and doesn’t know that this was an internet trend back in the day.

He says multiple times throughout the episode that this is not a joke. After all, the email states it. Nandor and his housemates then spend the rest of the episode frantically trying to find email addresses to forward the curse to.

7“One Human Alcohol Beer, Please”

What We Do in the Shadows Episode Still

As Jackie Daytona (Laszlo) states, he’s just a regular human bartender. Vampires clearly need to let this be known multiple times to maintain their cover. It doesn’t make them sound suspicious whatsoever.

The best of these comes from Jim, The Vampire. He enters Daytona’s bar, completely dressed from head to toe as a vampire. Still, as long as he orders one “human alcohol beer,” then his true vampire nature should remain a secret. Of all the guest appearances on the show, Mark Hamill as Jim is by far the most memorable.

6“One Of The Best Ways To Drain People’s Energy Nowadays Is Via The Internet”

As an energy vampire, constantly irritating people online is a surefire way to stay fed. What better way to achieve that than pissing people off on social media. Turns out, Colin Robinson is a certified online troll who lives in a basement.

What’s funny is just how true this quote is. If you’ve ever dealt with an online troll, you know exactly what it feels like. So, next time you get a potential troll comment, try not to engage with it. It could very well just be an energy vampire on the other end.

5“All I Know Is I Haven’t Had A Whiff Of Wu Or Tang”

What We Do in the Shadows Episode Still

There were so many perfect one-liners during the Théâtre des Vampires but the best has to be from Laszlo’s consistent disappointment with the performance, especially the lack of nudity. Narrating the entire re-enactment, legendary vampire Vladislav throws in some clever rhymes to keep things fresh.

Laszlo is none too impressed by the “bring da ruckus” line in the show but Colin can conclude that it’s a Wu-Tang Clan reference. Well, Laszlo has evidently never heard of the 90s rap group as he just claims he doesn’t smell any “Wu” or “Tang.”

4“I Have Recently Re-Discovered My Love For Topiary Sculpture. The Art Of Bush Manipulation.”

If there’s one thing you can rely on Laszlo for, it’s his ability to turn any sentence into an innuendo. Before it’s eventually urinated on by a werewolf, Laszlo gives a hilarious walkthrough of his topiary sculptures or “bush manipulation” as he calls it.

As expected from the lust-filled Laszlo, he has an entire section of hedges that are shaped like the female anatomy, resembling some of his most beloved women, including his lady wife Nadja and (for some reason) his mother. It’s the latter that gets ruined by a werewolf, which ends up starting a feud between the two species.

3“Vampire Sex Is Like Pizza In That Even When It’s Bad It’s Good. It’s Designed To Be Enjoyed By 8 Or More People.”

What We Do In Shadows Season 2 Trailer Nandor Kayvan Novak-Guillermo Harvey Guillén

Nandor, along with the rest of the gang, is so excited to have the privilege of hosting the BVO. There’s a lot of pressure to host this night. According to Nadja, all bats are actually just depressed vampires who have hosted poor orgies.

Nandor takes it upon himself to let the audience of how great vampire sex is. He almost had it with the pizza comparison but that last line is a bit confusing. In his defense, he’s a vampire so he’s not allowed to actually eat pizza. He gets points for trying!

2“There Is Nothing More Devastating Than Finding Out Your Husband Has Made [Adult Movies]… And It’s So Bloody Boring”

Laszlo revealing that he’s been an adult movie star since the film medium was invented is among one of the show’s most gut-busting moments. It’s even more hilarious seeing Nadja’s reaction to her husband’s acting chops.

At first, this quote sounds as if she’s upset that her husband was a former adult actor, as many spouses would be. Except, Laszlo and Nadja aren’t your average married couple. She’s more upset that Laszlo’s films aren’t exciting whatsoever. You just gotta feel bad for Laszlo. He was so confident that his lady wife would find these incredibly seductive.

1“I Will Always Be Just A Familiar To Them. Just A Schlub, Driving Around Brooklyn, With A Bunch Of Jars Full Of Semen.”

What We Do in The Shadows: Guillermo showing a portrait.

Poor Guillermo. His only goal in life has been to become a vampire. After about ten years as Nandor’s familiar, it doesn’t seem likely that he’ll ever get that chance. It may also be due to Nandor’s abandonment issues. Guillermo’s new task after their witches encounter may have been the last straw.

After the witches attempt to painfully extract Nandor and Laszlo’s semen, Guillermo pitches the idea to just bring it to them in jars every so often. This is now what Guillermo’s life has become. He’s just a Familiar who delivers jars of semen to witches, all in the hopes of one day becoming a vampire.

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