Funny Period Quotes About Menstruation
1. Why are periods so hard?
“Periods are ridiculous. I shouldn’t be punished for not being pregnant.” — Unknown
2. Coincidence? I think not!
“Menstruation. Menopause. Mental breakdowns. Notice how all women’s problems begin with men.” — Unknown
3. If there were a plus side to having your period.
“Maybe if period pain burned calories, it’d be worth it.” — Unknown
4. We women are freaking cool.
“Why you’re bad*ss. Because you can bleed for a week straight without dying.” — Unknown
5. Don’t downplay my emotions. PMS is a real thing.
“Yes, I am on my period. No, that doesn’t mean that my anger is irrational.” — Unknown
“Periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder.” — Unknown
7. Stress is high during that time of the month.
“My uterus is shedding and I will not hesitate to stab you.” — Unknown
8. Truer words were never spoken.
“I respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable.” — Unknown
9. Why can’t we feel magical on our periods instead of like we’re dying?
“Periods. Of all things, why blood? Why can’t it be like…fairy dust or something?” — Unknown
10. What’s that all about?
“Cramps…more like angry little ninjas inside you trying to kill you.” — Unknown
11. The pre-symptoms are some of the worst.
“Do you ever start your period and think, ‘well, that explains a lot’.” — Unknown
12. So many bad things happen.
“Ow. My vagina is falling off. I’m going to die. Wow, this is dumb. There goes a pair of my cutest underwear. I’m going to kill myself. Why wasn’t I born a boy?” — Unknown
13. I knew it stood for something different.
“PMS: Prepare to Meet Satan.” — Unknown
14. An endless cycle.
“Stressed because period is a week late, period is a week late because of stress?” — Unknown
15. Why do people assume that periods are not a big deal?
“No! Of course, cramps don’t hurt! It’s just my body laying a freaking egg and if it doesn’t get used, my body will just RIP down the wall inside me. No big deal.” — Unknown
16. Nerves are a real thing.
“Me when my doctor wants me to completely strip: ‘I have my period’.” — Unknown
17. They will never understand.
“Boy: ‘psh! how bad can a period be? So what, you got cramps?’ Girl: ‘how about you let me stab your stomach 100 times and let you bleed out and make you walk around like everything is perfectly fine.'” — Unknown
18. True, they’re never realistic.
“Dear tampon commercial, when I’m on my period, I don’t wear a white bikini or do a backflip. Sincerely, real women.” — Unknown
19. They’re really trying to expose us like that.
“Dear tampon and pad companies, please make your items quieter to open. Sincerely, the whole bathroom who now knows I’m on my period. Thank you.” — Unknown
20. They always appear when we don’t need them are nowhere to be found when we do.
“Can’t find my phone or keys, but I always manage to find the tampon that wants to magically jump out of my purse at the worst possible time.” — Unknown
21. Silly boys.
“I threw a tampon (still in the package) into a crowd of teenage boys just to watch them scream and run in separate directions.” — Unknown
22. We’ve earned a little prize.
“Why don’t they put prizes in your tampon box? Like, your period sucks…here’s 50% off Ben & Jerry’s you cranky b*tch.” — Unknown
23. We’re good for other stuff!
“Tampon commercial, detergent commercial, maxi pad commercial, Windex commercial – you’d think all women do is clean and bleed.” — Unknown
24. He’s been called out.
“Dear Spongebob, you live in Bikini Bottom and you’re super absorbent? Sincerely, you’re a tampon.” — Unknown
25. That’s what it feels like sometimes.
“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?” — Unknown
26. Spoil her! She needs it.
“If your girl is on her period: don’t argue with her, bring her food, watch movies with her, make her something to eat, RUB HER TUMMY, make her laugh, lay down with her, hold her in your arms, massage her, don’t say ‘ew’, handle her mood swings, understand she’s in pain.” — Unknown
27. Any woman who has experienced an unexpected period can relate.
“Period problems: Falling asleep in white sheets and waking up on a Japanese flag.” — Unknown
28. When your period is unpredictable and you’re trying to plan around it.
“If I get my period on my wedding day, I’m calling the wedding off.” — Unknown
29. Don’t even try talking to me at this point.
“When I’m on my period: Person: ‘hey’ Me: ‘Can you shut up?'” — Unknown
30. It’s natural! Don’t be afraid.
“Guys that are grossed out by girls getting their periods are lame. I’m sure your mother was praying to get hers but got you instead, tragic.” — Unknown
31. They owe us at least that much.
“Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. The least a guy could do is text us first.” — Unknown
32. Such a sweet poem.
“Periods are red, I’m feeling blue, screw you hormones, Mother Nature, I hate you.” — Unknown
33. Poor friends and families.
“I was watching tv and started crying. When my brother asked why I was crying I yell, ‘my uterus is crying blood, so I am crying tears’ he just slowly walked out of the room.” — Unknown
34. Girls gotta stick together.
“I could hate you more than anything else in the world, but if your period soaks through your pants, I got your back girl.” — Unknown
35. He needs to realize his place.
“Just because you have your period, doesn’t mean you get to be a b-tch.’ ‘Oh okay. Just because you have a dick, doesn’t mean you can be one.'” — Unknown
36. It’s a love-hate relationship. Mostly hate.
“What’s a period? Uterus wants a baby. A person doesn’t have a baby. Uterus wants revenge.” — Unknown
37. Never doubt yourself!
“Do you ever start crying about something and then the next day you get your period and you’re like I knew I wasn’t a weak *ss b*tch!” — Unknown
38. Be there for her.
“Dear guys, If you know that your girl is on her period, bring her pizza or fries or ice cream or any food you know she likes. It’ll make her happy in her most crappy days of the month.” — Unknown
39. Oh yikes. Educate this man.
“My tampon string was hanging out of my bathing suit. my boyfriend pulled at it thinking it was a thread from my bathing suit and publicly ripped out my tampon.” — Unknown
40. Love the time you have.
“If you’re not on your period right now, just take a moment to appreciate it.” — Unknown
In the red tent, the truth is known. In the red tent, where days pass like a gentle stream, as the gift of Innana courses through us, cleansing the body of last month’s death, preparing the body to receive the new month’s life, women give thanks — for repose and restoration, for the knowledge that life comes from between our legs, and that life costs blood.”
It was one of the darkest days of my life when that nurse, Mrs. Shimmer, pulled out a maxi pad that measured the width and depth of a mattress and showed us how to use it. It had a belt with it that looked like a slingshot that possessed the jaw-dropping potential to pop a man’s head like a gourd. As she stretched the belt between the fingers of her two hands, Mrs. Shimmer told us becoming a woman was a magical and beautiful experience.
I remember thinking to myself, You’re damn right it had better be magic, because that’s what it’s going to take to get me to wear something like that, Tinkerbell! It looked like a saddle. Weighed as much as one, too. Some girls even cried.
I raised my hand.
“Mrs. Shimmer,” I asked the cautiously, “so what kind of security napkins do boys wear when their flower pollinates? Does it have a belt, too?”
The room got quiet except for a bubbling round of giggles.
“You haven’t been paying attention, have you?” Mrs. Shimmer accused sharply. “Boys have stamens, and stamens do not require sanitary napkins. They require self control, but you’ll learn that soon enough.”
I was certainly hoping my naughty bits (what Mrs. Shimmer explained to us was like the pistil of a flower) didn’t get out of control, because I had no idea what to do if they did.”
….We pretended that all of this was a myth. That we had neither fallopian tubes, nor menstrual cycles, nor breasts, nor moods, nor children. And then we took it as a compliment when one of the men in the office told us we had balls. So, tell us again how this wasn’t a man’s world.”
I can’t get enough of watching the bees and trying to imagine how they experience the abundance of, say, a blue campanula blosssom, the dizzy light pulsing, every fiber of being immersed in the flower. …
Last night, after a day in the garden, I asked Robin to explain (again) photosynthesis to me. I can’t take in this business of _eating light_ and turning it into stem and thorn and flower…
I would not call this meditation, sitting in the back garden. Maybe I would call it eating light. Mystical traditions recognize two kinds of practice: _apophatic mysticism_, which is the dark surrender of Zen, the Via Negativa of John of the Cross, and _kataphatic mysticism_, less well defined: an openhearted surrender to the beauty of creation. Maybe Francis of Assissi was, on the whole, a kataphatic mystic, as was Thérèse of Lisieux in her exuberant momemnts: but the fact is, kataphatic mysticism has low status in religious circles. Francis and Thérèse were made, really made, any mother superior will let you know, in the dark nights of their lives: no more of this throwing off your clothes and singing songs and babbling about the shelter of God’s arms.
When I was twelve and had my first menstrual period, my grandmother took me aside and said, ‘Now your childhood is over. You will never really be happy again.’ That is pretty much how some spiritual directors treat the transition from kataphatic to apophatic mysticism.
But, I’m sorry, I’m going to sit here every day the sun shines and eat this light. Hung in the bell of desire.”